The love relationship, for many reasons, has been the most challenging area that I have experienced so far. I had to go through a "series of unfortunate events" to get precisely to the kind of relationship I wanted. So this post is made from my experience and what I have learned and understood about the path to find the person with whom to share your life.
Choosing to be with someone is not easy, especially if you are looking for a long-term relationship. It may be even easier to look for something casual nowadays and for that reason many believe that committed people do not exist anymore, we get used to the idea that it would be easier to play the casual game or even settle for people who are not responding to us in the way that we want. Perhaps we are afraid of commitment, rejection and this brings me to the first point...
Define who you are
The famous self-love is one of the most important things to create all kinds of external relationships. People see you and treat you how you see yourself. The only person who is going to know what you like, what you don't like, what you allow, your values, etc. Is yourself.
Take the time to get to know yourself. Many times we enter a relationship without even knowing what we want or who we are and then after a while, our relationship carries that weight. Allow yourself to heal what you need to heal, create pillars of values ​​that support your personality and your actions and then have a partner. I can assure you (because it happened to me that way) that this will attract a type of person who strengthens those pillars, instead of a person who does not know what he wants either.
Have a clear idea of what you want
This is linked to the first point. When we give ourselves space to reflect on what we like, who we choose to be, and the actions we take based on that, we can have a very strong clarity of what we want in a relationship.
I'll give you an example; I'm not a girl who practices a religion 100%. Actually, I like to combine certain beliefs and actions that create "my own spiritual beliefs", but they are all linked to God and many times I like to talk about or relate events of my life with signs that God is wanting to communicate to me. My spiritual beliefs are one of my pillars, and actions like keeping a gratitude journal, doing yoga, meditating, wearing quartz, are directly to strengthen my spirituality. So I started looking for a partner who I could agree with in that aspect, someone I could talk to and practice these kind of things with, and not someone who would judge me or try to talk me into believing something else.
One of my favorite phrases from law of attraction goes like this: How is the universe going to give you what you want if you don't know what you want? The universe is always willing to give you what you want, as long as you are very clear about what that is. Don't ask for lemons when you planted apple seeds.
Learn to set boundaries
Limits are one of the healthiest things in a relationship and it's very easy to set them when you define the previous two steps. Sometimes we are afraid that a person will leave our lives and for that reason we don't set limits and allow things that we don't like. But my question would be, if you already know who you are and what you want, why let someone destroy that?
It's one thing to set healthy boundaries and the other set boundaries based on your fears and what you want to avoid. Example, if you are afraid that they'll be unfaithful to you and you set a boundary that your partner cannot go out to events without you. That's not a healthy boundary, but the reflection of something that's not worked inside you. Healthy boundaries are agreements established by both people, which they previously communicated, made for the growth of both and therefore of the relationship. Yes, in part it's to keep "peace" but it goes far beyond just tranquility. It's an opportunity to care, respect and for emotional maturity.
Example of a healthy boundary: When we are in a relationship, it doesn't mean that we should forget about the life we ​​have outside of it. Each has different tastes, activities, friendships and beliefs; therefore they must respect each other. Under no right can you control the other, on the contrary, a relationship is to add, to contribute and if your partner is doing the opposite, that is when a boundary is requested.
Long short story, learn how to communicate in every aspect.
Learn to communicate with yourself. There are days when I suddenly feel very irritated with everything and everyone, but that's when I take a break and give myself some time to reflect on why I feel this way. I've noticed that most of the time it's because I'm about to start my period hahaha but sometimes I felt like this because I didn't communicate something with a person and kept it to myself. It's this type of practice that we must do to gradually grow and thus grow our relationships. Communication will always be the base of a relationship. Repeat after me: no one is able to read your mind, not even the universe itself.
For a long time I thought that it was me that was wrong or that there was something wrong with me. I was content to hang out with mediocre people, believing there couldn't be anything better. And in a way, there was something wrong with me for thinking that way! hahaha. Until I took the time to work on these three points. I defined my pillars, knew what I wanted, took action on it and when a person approached, I was very clear about what I was going to allow and that I was going to set a boundary. I said goodbye to people who did not want to respect me and I welcomed those who wanted to be in my life with confidence.
It sounds strong and it definitely is. It's a path with ups and downs but with feet firmly on the ground, and suddenly you realize that you are surrounded with people you never thought you would find. You find that couple that you thought only existed in fiction and imagination and although at first it's surreal to recognize it, it is possible.
Suddenly dreams come true and you realize that everything you lived, had a reason for being so.